Respect, Love & Commitment

Wifey Man Material

Singlemams… I feel like I have not written in such a long time! My schedule had gotten extremely hectic and I have finally prioritized my days down to the minutes. So, I am back!!

How is it that a man or boy (which ever the shoe fits) has multiple kids – more than one, and can still project the same excuse; that he is not ready to be a father? What constitutes a father being in the life of one child and not another? This is near and dear to me. My experiences detail this type of neglect toward my son. Though not certain, therefore I will assume I am not the only Singlemama that is or has had to translate what these actions mean respective to the child as well as to themselves.

When I first became knowledgeable of my unplanned pregnancy, there were mixed emotions. I took a few factors into consideration: I was grown, a college grad and a working woman thus resolved that I would accept my fate of motherhood. Although I had accepted, my counterpart had not. It was expressed that he was not ready for fatherhood at this point of his life. Naively, I accessed his current situation and empathetically excused him. The realization was this huge responsibility was all mine to bear. Truth be told, a year later I learned that my son had a sibling… and it was not by me! Not only was it another child conceived by the man who was not ready for kids BUT he was a willing participant in this child’s life.

Emotions were flying everywhere! I was mad as H%@l. All kind of resentful thoughts flooded my mind. Then as always, God humbled me through this entire ordeal. A man “may” base his love, affection and presence for a child on the woman whom the child comes from. If there is not a form of commitment, respect, and love towards the woman, than there “may” not be any love of the child.

A humbling experience indeed; there was no love, respect or commitment therefore when the pinnacle moment of parenthood arrived, he was not obligated. This implies that a man can sex you, but that does not translate that he wants a baby with you. A man that respects you will not abandon the whole responsibility of parenthood when half is his. A man that is committed to you is not circumstance driven. A man that loves you will also love his child. A man that loves God, himself and you will always be lead to do the correct thing in the midst of uncertainty.

Singlemamas… be mindful of whom you give yourself; too often we have partners during the tango but are standing alone when it is judgment time.