To Receive, or Not To Receive?

Singlemamas… So you find out you are pregnant and as the shoe fits, we are wearing the fact we are also not married. Indeed, we are as single as can be. I am not sure if there is any others out there that can agree with me when I say this, but I was one naïve pregnant lady. I’m not sure if it was because of the hormones battling it out in my body or was I going into shock over the fact that I am having this guy’s child and he wants no part. Immediately, most ladies start to blame themselves, right? We start having these deep, thoughtless thoughts in our heads that go something like this: “Well, I AM the one who wants to keep the baby”, “He told me he wasn’t ready for a kid”, “I can do it by myself”, “It’ll be just like any other time, he’ll come back”. Point to be noted, this is only a handful of thoughtless thoughts. I had these thoughts times one hundred. Sad to report, I got stuck with this one: “I don’t want anything from you if you aren’t going to be in your son’s life”. This man, if nothing else I said, filed this away in his head marked No Legal Obligation, Hurray. He held me to this literally as did his family when word got out I was pursuing assistance through the courts.  I later had a conversation of clarity with the participating partner in my son’s conception to make certain he was aware I was emotionally incapable of making any sound decisions in the ramifications of the nine month term deemed pregnancy. If you are having a child or you already are raising one, how do you divide up the financial responsibility? The indicator that I had to seek financial help through our good friend CHILD SUPPORT came after I got $180 for a crib. A friend asked me once, why not an even $200? My answer,simply put, was this man makes it a point to never give me the whole him in anything, so why would he start now.

When you take out a calculator and do the math; time, money, expenses start to add up. For example the infamous child care equals my mortgage which I cannot substitute one for the other. My advice is when a noncustodial parent wants to devise a financial plan, let the courts get involved. Legality is recourse, those papers served are resource.   Not to mention that we let these men get off way too easily. Why is it that they get to father a child for free? I mean, he didn’t pay to have sex with you. Of course not!! I believe in women taking responsibility and I believe in a man taking responsibility for their actions. I have a lifelong commitment to be here physically and financially because I choose to. But I will not allow a man to play in my sheets and get away scot-free.  It is about the child primarily and the principle secondly. Three years of basically handling it myself, I vow never to be in this situation again. I believe that it takes a team to raise a child. There has to be some tag-team moments, seriously.

I pose a question Singlemamas, To receive, or Not to Receive Child Support?

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